Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
My Links
Andrew's Pleasant Blog
Missy's Pretty Blog
Dan's Spiffy Blog
Joleen's Obsessive Blog
Sammy's Wanna-Be Blog
Jessie's Happy Blog
Cleo's Youngin Self
Hayley's Blog
Cade's BACK!!!! YAY!
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| I'm Sorry... |
| 05.31.04 (3:04 pm) [edit] |
I'm sorry everyone, I'm an idiot. I didn't even listen to you, and screwed myself over again.
You can tell me what an idiot I am to give into him. I love him, that's all. I can't live without him. It's so hard to let go of something you've held onto for years. It's the hardest thing to do, and I can't walk away from him. He knows that, and I believe he can't walk away from me either. Well, I hope not. He means so much to me, and it's hard to act like I don't want him in my life when I do want him in my life. It's so easy for you all to say 'Don't take him back', but is it easy NOT to take him back? It never is. I give in, and I can't help it.
I'm sorry.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Maybe....Just Maybe |
| 05.27.04 (9:28 am) [edit] |
I don't know what else is on my mind but my new situation...
[b]Theo[/b]
Why do I give into him every single time? I should stop, I know it. I can't stop though. I always go back for more heartache and bullshit. I can't even stop myself, and I don't know how to stop myself anymore. I think I need someone so bad that I run back to him for comfort, even if it's not the comfort I need. I hurt inside, and I feel nothing but pain throughout my whole body. He hurts me so much. He makes me feel like shit, and he kills me inside. I love him so much and I don't know why anymore. I cry all of the time, and everytime we talk, I cry some more. He doesn't hear me, but I do. I'm giving into him...and I don't know how to fucking stop anymore.
[b]Issues[/b]
Theo is coming over because my family invited him. He's flying here in August, and he's spending two weeks with us. I don't know how to deal with it, and I'm scared. I want him back, but I want him gone at the same time. I don't get how my family can do this to me and think it's okay. We were together for so long with so many problems, and it didn't seem to matter. We made it through everything, but they got worse. Everything seems to get worse though you want it to get better. I hope everyone realizes that...It's not easy to realize and it's not easy to deal with.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Everyone Changes |
| 05.25.04 (11:03 am) [edit] |
Theo is a complete asshole....
[b]Theo...[/b]
He used to be a really nice guy. He used to be a guy I could count on, he used to be the guy I fell in love with. Theo used to be a real sweetheart, the type of a guy that would open the doors for you, and give you the shirt off of his back. That changed steadily over the time we were together. He makes me feel inferior at times, though I'm not. He makes me into this bitch I never used to be. He's changed me for the worse, and I used to think it was for the better. It seems like when you start young, you started to grow up faster, and change faster. We used to be happy, we drifted into this depressed phase over and over. Each and everytime we hit that phase, we drifted apart. When we would overcome it, we'd start fighting. He would grow angry with me with frustration. He was a piece of shit in disguise, it took 3-4 years for me to see this. I've wasted a great deal of my time on this asshole. I lost everything I once gained, and I thought I was better....The joke's on me in the end.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Break Me Down... |
| 05.20.04 (10:14 am) [edit] |
I'm not in the mood for any shit. I've had enough over the past three days to last me a lifetime. And what the fuck is with tBlog? Now it's constantly fucking up, I used to like this place, and the constant errors are pissing me off.
[b]Tuesday[/b]
My family found out about the baby, and they blamed me for being the mental case that they claim I am. I don't see how I can be blamed for this mess, I'm so stressed out by it. I'm always to blame in my family, and I'm tired of being beaten down. I'm tired of being made to be the fool, and it seems everytime I try to fight it, it comes back to haunt me even more.
[b]Wednesday[/b]
I had received a phone call from Theo, and he was telling me how I was a waste of his time, and that he cheated on me more than once. He said he cheated on me everytime he had the chance. I tried not to let it bother me. I wasn't about to put it past him, so I didn't even bother getting upset. He even told me while I was talking to him online that he had another girl over at times. I didn't believe it really, and if he did, whatever. It's over now, and he's just in my past. He was aggravating me though. He also said that he had a girlfriend where he lived while he was with me, so I thought, well that's cute. Well, whatever.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Screw me, Everyone else Does. |
| 05.17.04 (7:08 am) [edit] |
Theo and I are completely over now. I hate that fucker, and he's made my life miserable. I hate him.
I also had a miscarriage over the weekend, the doctor said there were many reasons as to why it could have happened. In a way, I'm thankful, in another, I'm upset. I wanted a child of my own, and I wanted to be a parent. I wanted my child to see what an asshole their father was, but then again, I didn't want them to have Theo as a father. The asshole.
[b]Issues...[/b]
All I can say is that nothing is going right for me right now. I was on the phone when my phone died after 5 minutes of being fully charged right before. I have to register for my classes, but I have to work that day. I have to take off work somehow, though my boss will never let me, but he'll have no choice. If I don't take off work, I'll never register. I also have problems with my fucking family right now, they're all saying that I need Theo in order to make it in life because he's a man, and I need a man. At first, they fucking hate him because of how he treats me, now they're on his side?????? What is that? I wish everyone would fuck off.
[b]And damn, is EVERYONE leaving?[/b]
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| DONE! OVER! |
| 05.13.04 (1:55 pm) [edit] |
I'm done with Theo, we had a wonderful fucking fight last night because he's a fucking moron.
He tells me he's going out partying, and if he ends up drunk, that he's sorry he won't be around later. I asked him why he felt the need to get drunk, how can I trust him when he's drunk? He told me I don't have any faith in him, well gee, I fucking wonder why. His friends told me he hit on the strippers constantly, received a lap dance, and thought nothing of it. He thought it was perfectly okay to just fucking around with the strippers because they're being paid. He can fuck off, and wait until tomorrow, he's gone, he's done, and even if he doesn't do a damn thing, HE'S DONE.
I'm not to be toyed with, I'm not going to put all my feelings on the table for this asshole just so he can throw it back in my face by going out and partying with other sluts, getting drunk and fucking them. How do I know what he's doing? I wouldn't mind so much if he weren't a lousy disgusting unfaithful fucking drunk, but he is. He's cheated on me before with alcohol in his system, and he claims, it's okay because he was intoxicated and it doesn't mean anything. Sure, that's okay though. Fucker.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Fuck With Me |
| 05.10.04 (12:34 pm) [edit] |
I'm tired of being FUCKED WITH.
I hate Theo's friends. They're always testing me, and fucking with me. I know how Jessie feels, good fucking lord. Theo told me to get over it, and be nice to his friends, when all of his little friends always LIKE HIM. I hate his female friends. They're always groping him, or talking to him in this strange way. You know they like him! He doesn't believe it, or he does, and they don't go away. They never listen. I cussed a few of them out, and he was mad at me. He was constantly bitching at me. They called my phone asking me to tell Theo that they miss him, and to call them. Hello bitches. I'm not going to tell my boyfriend that you miss him. I fucking miss him, not you little bitches. Fuck this shit, I'm tired of this shit.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Big Yawn |
| 05.07.04 (9:35 am) [edit] |
I have nothing to do at all. I've been writing poems all day and trying really hard to finish my work. I can't concentrate on anything, and I'm going crazy.
Theo went out to a strip club last night, and I didn't want him to go, but I didn't say anything. That's my fault I know, but shouldn't be know? I don't think if you're in a relationship that you should be going to strip clubs. It's disgusting. He told me he wanted a lap dance so he was going to stay an extra half hour, and he never came home last night. It's a little hard to think positively right now. He should be home, and he shouldn't have fucking gone in the first place. I don't want him fucking any of those whores. You never know what STD or virus they have! They're infested! I don't get how he could do that! He wants to marry me so bad but yet he goes to a strip club to watch other women dance naked. It's disgusting.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Yawn... |
| 05.05.04 (11:17 am) [edit] |
My new discovery...
I've never noticed how fucked up family really is. If anyone hasn't noticed, they make you feel more like shit than anything. They drag you down, and beat you with their cruel gestures. They couldn't care if you're hurt by what you say, they believe they're doing you a favor. It's tough growing up in that environment, and most teens, children, even young adults end up depressed, and they don't believe they stand a chance in the world. They don't believe they have a place, and they don't believe they belong here. They blame themselves, which is the wrong answer. They lack encouragement, they lack support. It's sad really. You can't even be raised in a positive environment by your own family. That's not right. Your family is supposed to provide you with support, encouragement, and strength. It's even worse when your friends don't have your back either. I'm sorry but this drives me crazy. Most of my friends feel or have felt this way because of their family or friends...and I feel bad for them...What has this world come to?
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Wonderful Day! |
| 05.03.04 (11:02 am) [edit] |
I had a wonderful weekend actually. It was nice to spend time with Richard, but it was nothing romantic. It felt like a friend spending a splendid night with another friend. I love Theo.
[b]Theo and I[/b]
We're officially back together. We've decided that we aren't going to rush into marriage or anything. We just want to take things slow, and try to be less jealous of what the other is doing. I'm really glad to have him back into my life, and it's amazing to be able to tell him I love him again. He's the only one I want in my life, and the only guy I can ever see myself loving forever. I wish it weren't long distance, but because I love him, I'll work around anything.
[b]Pregnancy[/b]
Everything is going great, and I think now that I have Theo back, I'm thinking more positively. I'm looking forward to this, and I feel ready. I feel anxious already, but hey, that's normal. I don't enjoy the growing very much, but I'm told, they grow up faster than you think they do, so hold onto them. I plan on it. I'm really excited.
[b]Issues[/b]
I don't have too many issues this week. My car broke down, but it's being fixed and I'm renting an Explorer right now. I hate renting cars, it's a pain in the ass. I'm afraid I'll get into an accident and have to pay more than I am right now. Hopefully my car will be fixed by tomorrow, I need that car back!
Renee
|
|
|
| |
|
|
