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| The Ride... |
| 06.28.04 (1:46 pm) [edit] |
Theo and I are planning to see eachother soon. I was going to see him today, long ass drive because I left yesterday to go meet him. I showed up at his place, he wasn't there. I called him like eight times, no answer. I was so upset....I waited at his room for an hour this morning, he never showed. So, I drove back. It really hurt. I've never felt so stood up in my life. He called a few minutes ago giving me some excuse, I was convinced and all, but it hurt. I won't be seeing him for a long time. Probably 4-6 months. :cry:
Does anyone not understand how hard it is to go that long without seeing the one you love? It's crazy. It's so hard. I miss his kisses, his warm hands, his hugs, his cuddling, I hate not being near him every fucking day. Everyone rubs it in my face that they get to see their person every fucking day, but not me. I'm tired of Andrew always saying shit about how his friends suck, well he isn't the worlds best friend either. He's an asshole. He treats his friends like shit. Fucking asshole.
Renee
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| Think...Square |
| 06.25.04 (7:15 am) [edit] |
Last night was entertaining. Jessie gave me Kyle's screenname and I was able to have some fun with the ever so cute cheer-boy. He sounds as if he has the brains of an earth worm. It wouldn't surprise me. What normal guy wants to be a cheerleader? Unless he's been dropped on the head more than 10 times as a baby. Or the ever so popular excuse, he's gay. I have no problem with gay guys, but if you're going to be a guy and discuss cheerleading, then you really need to come out of that closet. He ended up hitting on me, Theo wanted to kill him, but I didn't give him his screenname, I thought I'd spare his Wanna-Be-Cheerleader behind.
Theo however, didn't enjoy any of that conversation. The jealous dweeb. I felt kinda bad by not giving him the screenname, leading him to more suspicion, though the suspicion shouldn't exist. I'm 100% faithful, and always have been. I had fun talking to Amanda and Jessie. They're so cute, thought I'd point them out in the crowd. They don't need any more attention, they attract enough with Kyle it seems. You'd think with their popularity they'd have a fan site, which wouldn't come to a surprise to me if they did.
I have to be to work in a few hours for maybe a three hour shift, pointless? Indeed. I thought so, questioned my hours, of course they pointed me to the door. I'm going in for nothing obviously, but I can't afford not to have a job anymore. I just started talking to my friend I last talked about before. I know it wasn't a great time we stopped talking, but I thought I would give myself a little time from her. I was a little afraid, but who am I to judge someone? I really can't. I better be going, I need to have a shower. I have recent pictures coming this week 8)
Renee
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| Forgiven. |
| 06.21.04 (9:25 am) [edit] |
I've decided to forgive Joleen. Life is too short to hate anyone for dumb things. We've all done stupid things in our lives, and we just need others to forgive us for them. I've forgiven everyone else, so I have to forgive her too.
[b]Theo[/b]
We're doing very good. He's very busy today and tonight so I don't get to speak to him until tomorrow, which is fine by me. He needs his space too, and as long as he is doing something, then I'm not angry. I trust him though, I think. I don't know. I'm finding it hard to trust him. Everytime I do trust him, something goes wrong, and my heart is broken again. I think I should just give myself time to trust him. I don't need the hurting again. I can't live without him, and this is our last chance together. Well, we've said that many times. "This is your last chance.", blah blah blah. We always forgive eachother. With love, you have to learn to forgive eachother for even the dumbest and the most major of mistakes. If you can't forgive the one you truly love, then you will be lonely for the rest of your life. I can't imagine that even the most depressed person would want to be alone forever. Everyone needs someone to love them at one point.
[b]Issues[/b]
For once, I don't have too many issues. The major issue is the one I listed above, which is my trust issue. My other issue being that my best friend (here), she told me that she loves me. I don't know how to take that, honestly. I have no problem with lesbians, gay guys, anybody who likes anyone of the same sex. I'm just not like that. I don't know if I'm angry about it, upset about it, freaked out about it. She's my best friend, she's everything to me (friendwise) and I don't know if she understands that's all it is to me. I don't want her to feel like I'm leading her on, I don't want her to think that it's easy on me. It's just not. I hope no one thinks I'm a homophobic person or anything, it's just hard. I'm afraid that she's going to be angry with me for not feeling the same way.
Renee
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| Don't Call Me. |
| 06.17.04 (9:41 am) [edit] |
Joleen and I have spoken on the phone before, yes she has my number. She called me this morning apologizing. I've given you many chances and I don't care to hear your excuses anymore. I just don't care. Why don't you prove to me you can be a real friend and go die?
[b]Theo[/b]
He called me last night, we're working everything out. I'm so glad that we are because I don't know what I'd be without him in my life. He's my addiction, he's my life, he's my world, he's everything to me that I can't possibly refine without him. I know he feels the same way but he has a hard time expressing his feelings. Men always do it seems like. He's also buying me a new ring because I ditched the other one he gave me when we broke up.
[b]Here[/b]
I'm so glad everyone is honest with eachother and able to forgive eachother for telling lies. It's amazing what you can find out by just talking to eachother and letting shit out. You're all the best, I hope you know that!
Renee
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| Fill It Out, It's Time Consuming. |
| 06.14.04 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
Long Survey you'll hate with your life.
You
Full Name? Renee, not telling you anything else.
Nicknames? Nee-Nee, Redhead, Zinger, you name it.
Birthdate? A day that will live in infamy.
Age? I am a young woman, with big thoughts.
Hair Color (Currently)? Dark red.
Hair Color (Naturally)? I completely forgot. I was told brown.
Eye Color (Currently)? Purple color, I know they're weird.
Eye Color (Naturally)? Brown.
Height? 5'6"
Weight? 141 lbs. I have muscle.
Freckles? Nope.
Dimples? Nope.
Want Piercings? Definitely.
Piercings (Currently)? Lip, ears, eyebrow, nose.
Want Tattoos? Definitely.
Tattoos (Currently)? None.
Current Education? College.
Name of your school/university? That's classified.
Want a job? No.
Have a job? Unforunately.
Glasses/Contacts? Yes, Contacts.
Dentures/Teeth? I have normal teeth, thanks.
Measurements (You know)? 38C.
What would you change about yourself? Hips.
Want a car? A new one, sure.
Have a car? Yes.
Have you had sex yet? Yes.
If not, when do you plan to? -
Are you waiting for the right person? -
Current/Past/Present
Greatest Achievement? Living...
Last state you visited? Louisiana.
Current channel on tv? Vh1.
Current radio station? None.
Last IM (when/who)? Andrew.
Last visit to the grocery store? A few days ago.
Last thing you bought? A new shirt.
Last time you cried? A few days ago.
Last time you laughed? A few minutes ago.
Last time you said you loved someone? A few days ago.
Last time you ate? Last night.
Last time you slept? Yesterday.
Last time you missed someone? Today.
Last time you hugged someone? Yesterday.
Last time you kissed someone? A while ago...
Last time you cheated? A long time ago.
Last time you smiled? Today.
Last time you heard your favorite song? A few days ago.
Last time you danced? A long time ago.
Last time you played a sport? A few days ago.
Last time you put clothes on? This morning.
Last time you took a shower? This morning.
Last time you comforted a friend? This morning.
Last time you sang? This morning.
Last time you were on stage? Years ago.
Last time you hit someone? Months ago.
Last time you wished you were dead? A few days ago.
Last time you tried to kill yourself? Months ago.
Last time you drank? Weeks ago.
Last time you smoked? Years ago.
Last time you went to the mall? A few days ago.
Last time you wore your mothers panties? Never.
Last time you had sex? A while ago.
Last time you had any sexual involvement? A while ago.
Last time you loved someone so much you cried? A few days ago.
Last time you wished you were holding someone? Today.
Last time you hated a friend? Yesterday.
Pets
Do you have any pets? Yes.
I'm going to list some, if you own r have owned 1 of the following please display the name(s) and any information.
Cat? -
Dog? My puppy Libby. I also had a dog that was put to sleep a few years ago...His name was Diego.
Snake? -
Bird? Parakeet - Catalina.
Rat? -
Hamster? I had a hamster when I was 12, her name was Psycho.
Ferret? -
Rabbit? -
Guinea Pig? -
Tarantula? -
Scorpion? -
Mouse? -
Pig? -
Fish? We got rid of the fish a few months ago, but I had about 10 of them.
Frog? -
Lizard? -
Gecko? -
Turtle? -
Cockroach? -
Any insect? -
People? You.
Favorites
Ice cream? Cookie dough.
City? I'm a sucker for New York City.
State? California.
Country? Not sure.
Continent? Europe, most likely.
TV Channel? Cartoons are the best.
Radio Station? Hmm...
Soft Drink? I don't really like soda.
Juice? Orange.
Food? Anything delicious.
Genre of Music? Anything worth listening to, which isn't much these days.
Instrument? Guitar.
Candy bar? I like my reese cups.
Any type of hard candy? Jolly rancher.
Gum? Hmm...
Shoes? I like any comfortable shoes, I loved my old pair of vans.
Store? Anything that is worth going into and getting cheap clothes.
Favorite age/time in history? -
Subject in school? English.
Perfume? Curve.
Cologne? Anything Theo would wear.
Body Wash? Hmm...
Shampoo? Whatever smells good. What's the use of spending anything over $7 on shampoo?
Book? -
Movie? I love all kinds of movies really, I couldn't care for most sequels, some are worth watching.
Actor? -
Actress? -
Website? -
Scent? My old underwear, not really.
Scent of Candle? Raspberries.
Month? July, it's the middle of summer, it's hot, and I enjoy it.
Day? Saturday.
Word? Die.
Quote? -
Painting? I love art, I can't name a specific painting. I believe every piece of art is rewarding in it's own way.
Artist? I love all types of artists, whether it be the simplest artist to the most dynamic.
Day in your life (past)? -
Thing that has happened to you? -
Animal? Snow Leopard.
Car? Anything worth driving.
University? NYU.
Sports team of the following sports...(Can be local, famous)
Football? Carolina Panthers.
Soccer? -
Hockey? Carolina Hurricanes.
Baseball? Atlanta Braves.
Basketball? Detroit Pistons.
Volleyball? -
Lacrosse? Lacrosse is fun to watch.
Rugby? -
Tennis? -
Swimming? -
Wrestling? -
Other? -
Boys name? -
Girls name? -
Rapper? -
Musician? Anyone worth listening to.
Band? Many bands.
Club? -
Hang out? Screw that.
Relationships
What are you (Gay-Straight-Confused or as you say bisexual)? Straight.
Fill this out if your in a relationship
What is their name? Theodore.
Are they handsome/beautiful? I think he's adorable.
How long have you been together? A long time, it's been the hardest.
Are you in love with this person? Deeply.
Are you a local or long distance relationship? Long distance.
If local, are you able to see them everyday? I see him even though we are long distance.
if long distance, is it hard? Very, but it takes time and dedication.
Are you going to see eachother soon? Yes.
Have you had sex with this person? Yes.
Do you want to? Yes...
Have you cheated on this person? Yes.
Have you ever wanted to? Yes.
Have you ever broken up? Yes.
Do you talk to this person a lot? Yes.
Do your friends like this person? No.
When's the next time you'll see eachother, or the first time? July 3rd.
How did you meet? Friends that happened to clash, we tried breaking up the fight, we met....talked. I knew then and there.
Your crush (if not in a relationship)
What is their name?
Are they handsome/beautiful?
How long have you liked this person?
Does he or she like you too?
Are you in love with this person?
Are you a local or long distance crush?
If local, are you able to see them everyday?
if long distance, is it hard?
Are you going to see eachother soon?
Have you had sex with this person?
Do you want to?
Have you been with this person?
Do you talk to this person a lot?
Do your friends like this person?
Friends
Who is your best friend? Michael, Theo.
How old are they? 23, 23.
How long have you known eachother? 18 years, 5 years.
Do you know everything about eachother? Yes.
Do they know your secrets? Yes.
Loudest friend? Gibbon.
Prettiest friend? All of my friends are pretty.
Dumbest friend? Gibbon.
Smartest friend? Most of my friends have some intelligence.
Tallest friend? Arnold.
Shortest friend? Kari.
Foreign friend? Juniper.
Racist friend? Missy, lol.
Hottest friend? Theo.
Best body? Theo.
Fat ass? I don't believe it's right to call someone fat. Some people have health problems, some people are just big boned. Everyone has feelings.
Dorkiest? Andrew.
Annoying? Sammy.
Coolest? Jessie.
Sluttiest? Stephanie.
Popular? I must say Missy and Jessie, they seem to get the most attention. I feel bad for them. I believe they deserve an award.
The 1 who makes you happiest? Theo, and all of my friends on here and in real life.
The 1 who makes you the saddest? Theo at times.
The 1 who makes you angriest? Theo at times.
The 1 who you wish were more than friends? No one.
Friends you've dated? How can you name them all? Actually, people you date, are your friends.
Friends you've lost? Plenty, but I've learned a lot from them.
Friends you've recently made? Courtney.
Long survey
Did this take you a long time? Yes, I was bored.
Fill it out. Andrew always makes me.
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| Real Friend? Sure. |
| 06.10.04 (12:40 pm) [edit] |
Today's topic : Joleen.
I don't see why she's taking her anger out on everyone. She posted the shit, we had a right to comment. We had a right to say as we pleased. We weren't telling her what to do. She blew it all out of proportion. I don't quite understand what her issue is with us. She's the bitch here, not us. She can hate me all she wants, she can say what she wants about my relationship. I'm not trying to get back at Theo for everything he's done. Can she say the same about herself? Maturity...is lacking these days.
Renee
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| Stupidity |
| 06.08.04 (11:26 am) [edit] |
I'm again, so very stupid.
[b]Theo[/b]
He's in town, and we spent so much alone time together that we're starting to get on eachothers nerves. We got into a fight last night, and he said some mean things to me. I took them to heart, and he told me he hated me because I asked him why. Why did I go back to him? I don't exactly know why I did...I feel stupid. I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at him for making me feel shitty. God.
[b]Issues[/b]
I'm struggling with paying for school, it's hard. It costs so much just to go to college. It costs enough to pay for books. I have to pay for everything else. My car, my rent, GAS...I hate life. I can't even afford to live anymore. My parents won't even lend me money anymore. Theo won't support me, he already told me I had to earn my own. I only needed his help once, and he wouldn't even lend me $20. He's such a dick. I should be a lesbian.
Renee
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