 Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
My Links
Andrew's Pleasant Blog
Missy's Pretty Blog
Dan's Spiffy Blog
Joleen's Obsessive Blog
Sammy's Wanna-Be Blog
Jessie's Happy Blog
Cleo's Youngin Self
Hayley's Blog
Cade's BACK!!!! YAY!
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Goodbye....So Long |
| 08.16.04 (5:12 am) [edit] |
|
Goodbye tBlog and all your bullshit. I'll be away from you...forever. I'll be on another site, where the bullshit rarely exists. I can't even put an emoticon without you erasing my whole entire entry. I'm tired and severely annoyed. Have a nice life everyone!
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| When Nothing's Gone Right...What Else Is There To Lose? |
| 08.10.04 (10:15 pm) [edit] |
:cry:
I'm losing the only thing that's real in my life. I lied to him, the only man I love, the only person who ever truly knew who I was, I lied to him. He found out, of course he did. He won't forgive me right now, he doesn't want me. He wants to break up. I didn't want it to be this way, I never wanted it to be this way. The pain running through me right now is making it so hard to type...it's making it so hard to breathe and I can't vent to anyone or anywhere else...I need to vent here. How do I prove to him I'm going to change what I did and make it better? How do you make a person want to be with you? I suppose you can't. It's killing me...he's my true love. I love Theo...I love him. How do I let go of that? How can I say I'm better off? I'm not, I never will be. I don't see how he could be...I love him, he loves me. We've been together for so long, it's not right when we're not together. It's not right when we're unhappy. It's not right...
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| It Hurts...A LOT |
| 08.08.04 (8:58 am) [edit] |
|
Jason
I can't say much...It hurts a lot. I found out through Amanda and it killed me. Like she said, I don't know you personally, but you were still a good friend of mine. You were so less drama filled. You were always in good spirits everytime I talked to you. I'd be sad, you'd always find some way to bring a smile to my face. You never forgot anything, you were always there. I don't know what to think about this, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you and your family coping with this. As Amanda said, I'll see you one day, whenever we meet, and I know you'll be there. I'll never forget our conversations about life, how much you made me think about everything that I do. I've made some dumb decisions in my life, I knew you'd always smarten me up. Thank you for that...I love you.
R.I.P. Jason Lee O'Maley, Born : December 4th, 1986. Died : August 7th, 2004.
That took a lot out of me, I have nothing else to say....
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Muahahaha |
| 08.04.04 (12:41 pm) [edit] |
|
Survey for those in Long Distance Relationships
You know the deal, fill out the questions and send it out. Your friends will then fill it out too if they are in the situation. Otherwise, who cares?
Remember : THIS ALL APPLIES TO THE OTHER PERSON AND ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Persons full name : Theodore something something. Nicknames : Theo, Teddy, lots of others. Petname you gave them : Baby, Stud...Lots of others. Their birthdate : 9/1 Their sign : I forget... Their age : 17...he's younger than me. Height : 6'1" Weight : 150. Eye Color : Mmmm Contacts or Glasses or Normal : Normal. Dentures or Braces or anything : Normal. Hair Color : Red. Where is their birth mark : His waist. What size shoe : 15. What bra/penis size : 9 3/4. What size shirt does this person usually wear : X-large...he's a big boy. Do they wear light or dark colors : Dark. If its a girl...thongs or normal : If its a guy boxers or briefs : Boxers.
How many siblings : Three. How old are they : Young. Best family member : His mom. Parents married or divorced : Married. Do their parents approve of you : Yes. Grandparents alive : No. Did anybody in their famiyl die before : Yes...
How many people has this person dated previously : I don't know, I couldn't care if he dated 100 other women before me, he's mine now. Do their exes constantly want them back : A few have, they don't have him now. Do you haet their exes : No, I don't know them. Are they a virgin : No. How far have they gone with their exes : Um...I've been with Theo for over four years. He'd be quit ehte slut if he went too far at 12 or 13. Are they ugly : No, Theo is hott. Did they date ugly people : I don't know. Who is the last person they dated : Some chick.
Are you in love : Very. Do you see yourslef goin far with them : We already have gone far. Have you met yet : Yes. D o you tlak on the phone : Yes. Do you have cyber sex : We have, sometimes we do for fun...I'll be honest. Do you have phone sex : Yes. Is it hot : Hell yes, I love hearing him. Do you wish yo u would : Yeah. Whens the last time you talke d : This morning. Whens the last time you had phone sex : Two days ago. Whens the last time youcybered : A week ago. Do you think about sex alot with this person : Mmhmm.
Whats your fave part about this person : I love everything. What do you find most attractive about this person : Everything. Whats their best feature : All. On a scale 1-10 rate them : 10. What would you change bout them : Nothing, why would I? Would you marry this person : Yes, and I WILL marry him. How long have you been together : Over four years. Did you ever break up during the time : Yes. Ever cheat on eachother : Yes. Have you ever wanted to cheat or come close : Yes. Where do they live : A few states away. Is that far from where you live : Kinda. Will you ever meet : Yeah. Whats your biggest fear about meetin : Well, my biggest fear was if he'd like the way I looked. Do you think its meant to be : It is meant to be.
Do people know bout your relationship : Yes. Do they care : Why would they? Is it a str8 or gay relationship : Straight. Do you have their pictures : Everywhere. Do you love the way they look : Mmmhmm, he's a sexy guy. Do they love the way you look : He told me he does. Rate their looks 1-10 : 10. Do people ever call your person hot : Yes. Are you a jealous person : I can be. Do you ever get too attached or are you : I am attached to the guy. Are you possessive : Very. Do you control your person : No, why would I?
Do they have a cell phone : Yes. Do they have any pets : Yes. I love his puppy. Whats their fave hobby : He likes to sail...he has a boat. What do they plan to do with their life or what do they do: He's into business, politics. Do they smoke : No. Do they drink : Sometimes. Have they done any of the 2 : Yes.
Do you trust them with your life : Why wouldn't I? Do you trust them not to cheat : Yes I do. Do they know your password : Yes. DO you ever go on their s/n : We share a screenname sometimes.
Do they masturbate : Yes. Do you masturbate thinkin bout them : Fuck yeah. Do you wish you could fuck them 24 hours a day : Mmmhmmm!
Whats their fave color : Red. fave drink : Sprite. fave tv show : Anything weird. fave animal : Dog. fave food : Chinese.
Do they dress slutty or conservative : Very slutty mmmm.
Glad this is over : Yeah, but it was fun. Will you last forever : Yes. If you dont will you hate yourself for saying that you will : No.
by the way if 1 filled it out the other should 2
|
|
|
| |
| Do Friends Exist? |
| 08.03.04 (1:22 pm) [edit] |
[b]Andrew[/b]
You've been an asshole to everyone. I used to think of you as a good friend, I used to think you were pretty cool. You used to be nice. You used to be someone I could talk to....You might think I'm a whore, I don't care. I hate you, Andrew.
[b]My New Life[/b]
I leave in 21 days...I can't wait. It'll be a bitch moving though. My parents are driving me down there. My father isn't too thrilled of the idea since he has to take off from work then. I leave in exactly three weeks...We have to leave at like three in the morning just to get there on time and I'm not looking forward to that drive....it'll take forever. My parents drive me crazy, I hate their music selection. They listen to oldies the whole time, I'd rather drive myself. They insist that they help me. Then....they're coming back the next day to bring my car. Jesus christ. I miss my roommates. I haven't talked to them in a few days. Jess called me the other night but my parents tied up the phone and I wasn't home. I have to call her back sometime today, she's so nice. I can tell we'll be the closest when we're all living together. It'll be a cramped living space though let me tell you. I'm sure we'll all brawl. The best part being mostly everyone is taken so that way we don't have to worry about privacy with hook ups and shit. Theo promised to visit for a day. I hope he does.
[b]Theodore[/b]
It sucks with us both going away to college and we'll still be able to talk, just not as much. He has the day off so I'm on the phone with him right now, he sounds so cute. I love his voice. I remember the first time we talked on the phone, I think hearing his voice just made me die. We had a weird ass conversation about deli meat, don't ask why. I think it was just the whole awkwardness thing. I mean we started going out and then we talked on the phone a week after. I was afraid of the whole long distance relationship thing, I was afraid I'd cheat on him. I don't know, I'm not a cheater. I think it was just because I knew I'd want. I wanted him though, I fell in love even though I was young. He's the greatest. I love you Theo.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Annoyed. |
| 08.01.04 (8:29 am) [edit] |
I hate my friends at times, they don't care about me. They don't care about my problems so fuck them. My best friend isn't even my real best friend. She runs off with every fucking guy she sees and attempts to throw it in my fucking face, yeah, good luck sweetie. I don't care if Theo doesn't live here or not, I'm not jealous of you and I never fucking will be. I love my relationship and I love Theo. You fucking whore.
[b]My New Life[/b]
I leave in like 3 weeks it seems like, if not sooner. I might have to move in sooner for some odd reason. That's fine though, I'll go into town and party. I think that's what I'll enjoy most, some fucking freedom. I hate when my parents tell me what I can do and when I can come home. I came home at 4 in the morning today, they bitched me out. They sat up all night fucking waiting for me. Why would you? I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I never did anything wrong by them. I don't do drugs, I don't drink very fucking often. Drinking is on a very rare occasion. I just like to dance, Theo trusts me, maybe they should trust me too. I can't wait to move into my dorm room....
[b]Theo[/b]
I only had 10 minutes to talk to him yesterday. I had a lot to do. I had to meet up with my so called friends and go to a few clubs. I know I shouldn't do too much clubbing because I'm in a relationship but I'm not doing anything with any guys, I just kinda dance with my friends, no harm in that right? I just enjoy getting out and listening to music. There's nothing else to do that's cheap anymore. The movies now these days suck. There's no fun in renting movies and video games. I don't feel like going and doing like putt-putt, skating or something. I don't like doing much of anything anymore because everything is so fucking expensive and it's not worth it. I need a life. When I get to Florida, I'm hitting the fucking beaches and stuff. I need something new.
[b]Issues[/b]
I came across Theo's ex girlfriend yesterday too. You know what pisses me off....he gave her my screenname but he says it wasn't him....whatever. What the fuck can she do to me? I mean I've been with him for how many years and when she was with him they were like 12-13. Umm...get a life. Unless it was him trying to stress me out and piss me off so that way I'd spend more time talking to him. You know what, I need to vent to someone, and I feel like venting to someone who might understand my position....Jessie! Jessie if you happen to read this, get on sometime so I can annoy you with some stuff.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Happy Day! |
| 07.28.04 (12:59 pm) [edit] |
I'm having such a great day, I love you Theodore!
[b]My New Life[/b]
I hate buying college supplies. Computers are fucking expensive, I know they give discounts right now but they are still so fucking expensive. I better hope that my computer never dies otherwise I'll be screwed to the high heavens. I'll be getting a new screenname so I'll post it here when I start school in a month, less than a month now. I've been talking to my roommates like every night, they're turning into good friends. Until we all live with eachother. We'll just hate eachother then. I can't wait to go to Florida. I'll enjoy the damn beaches!
[b]Theodore[/b]
I miss him so much, but he paid me the cutest phone call this morning just to wake me up and tell me that he loved me. I love it when he does little things like that. He's been working hard for me. I know he'll be going away to college too and it'll be hard. I trust him and I wear his damn ring! I know he's all mine. I love that man. I mean we've been together for years and I just can't get enough of his sexiness. He does the weirdest things to me that I can't explain. I wish I could repay him all of the favors he's done for me, but I will when we're together :wink: . Okay, getting perverted, sorry.
[b]Song[/b]
I have this song 'You're Dead' by Alkaline Trio that Amanda told me to download stuck in my head. It's a sad song really. I like it...Makes me think of my friends who have passed. I'm growing attached to their music. I bought a t-shirt last night that said 'Alkaline Trio' on it. They have a new CD, I should buy it when I get some cash. Maybe I should buy it after I buy everything I need for college, eh? That would make more sense.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| And The Stars At Night Are Big And Bright... |
| 07.26.04 (10:02 am) [edit] |
I'm home from my weekend in Baltimore. I had a good time, though it wasn't my style. I met some guys, we hung out, went to a few clubs.
[b]My New Life[/b]
I can't believe I leave soon to be away from here until Thanksgiving. It'll be a nice break from life. I love my roommates, they're so nice. I can't wait to meet them. I'm hoping they aren't any different in person, which is probably true anyway.
[b]Song...[/b]
I'm going to murder Amanda, she just HAD to get Alkaline Trio stuck in my head. I like the song though, "Queen of Pain". It's an addicting song. Then she proceeded to sing other Alkaline Trio songs, so now I have more stuck in my head. Thanks Amanda!
[b]Theo[/b]
He's amazing. He bought me a necklace and sent it to me in the mail. I hate when he buys me things, especially things that are so pretty. I cherish everything he sends me. He sent me the cutest card last week just for no reason at all. I fell in love with it. I hung it up with his other cards, I love him.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Theodore. |
| 07.19.04 (10:43 am) [edit] |
Theo is considering joining us, I can't wait. Mostly because I want him to see what I write about him at times because he doesn't realize when I'm mad, or how much I love him. I'm hoping everyone will be nice to him and give him a chance. He truly is a sweet guy.
[b]My New Life[/b]
I talked to my roommates again last night, it was great. We were all pretty hyper, talking about pointless things. Those are the conversations I enjoy with my friends, I'm hoping we'll all continue to get along. Well, I'm praying.
[b]Theo[/b]
Ahhhhhh, I love this man. I can't wait to see him again, though I have to wait a long time. He's so sweet. I'm extremely happy and I have been happy for a long time. I love you Theo!!!!!! I know you hate being called Theodore by anyone else but me, so I'll take advantage of that Theodore. :wink:
Renee
(I ran out of shit to say today.)
|
|
|
| |
| Happy Birthday! |
| 07.15.04 (7:57 am) [edit] |
It's Amanda's birthday tomorrow and I wish her a very happy birthday. I hope she has fun and takes care of herself. Growing old sucks, doesn't it? [b]Happy Birthday Amanda! [/b]
[b]My New Life[/b]
I was talking to my roommate Jess again last night. She's pretty cool, we all kinda talked about our room and who would bunk with who to make it fair. Well I'm bunking with Jess and I get the top. I'm thankful for that. I think Jess and I will be pretty close and I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to a new life. I just need some more friends, I already have the love of my life. I don't believe people when they leave their boyfriend or girlfriend because they're going off to college. How is that even fair? Do you have to get drunk at college? Do you have to get laid? Do you have to party? I mean, it's good to have fun. I just don't see any logical reason to leave someone just so you can further your education and get even more fucked up.
[b]Theo[/b]
I love him so much. He's everything to me. We've been together for so long and I never want to lose what I have with him. He's my true love, my only friend. He makes life so much better with just one 'I love you'. I hate relationships but then I love them. I love being in the relationship I have. He makes every fight, every break up worth it. I love him, I love you Theodore.
[b]Happiness[/b]
My parents aren't angry with me for once. They're probably anxious to be rid of me in a month. I can't blame them I guess, I'd hate paying for my child after awhile, but I'd also hate to see them go. I love my parents, I love my family even though they suck sometimes. I love being here...and having someone like Theo in my life.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Enroll! |
| 07.13.04 (9:26 am) [edit] |
[b]My New Life[/b]
My roommates are so weird. I talked to them on the phone, they seem so sweet.
I'll tell you about them from what they told me and they mailed me my pictures.
Lara - She's 18, from Rhode Island. She has a boyfriend back home too, she's been with him for like a year. She's really pretty and nice.
Jessica - She's 19, from Texas. She has a girlfriend back home, she's been with her for 5 months. She's attractive, she seems really into her girlfriend which is nice. I connected her more than I did with the other two.
Brandy - She's 18, from Minnesota. She's not with anyone and she doesn't want to be. She's not the greatest looking but she's cute, kinda heavy. Nothing wrong with those people. She seems friendly, intimidating though. I didn't really know what to say to her.
[b]Theo[/b]
He's angry at me right now, we had a stupid argument over something REALLY pointless. Those are always the tough ones too. I wish he'd learn to calm the fuck down about shit. He really needs to, he's too hyped up over things, I won't be surprised if he has a stroke some day.
[b]Andrew[/b]
I saw his last comment he left me. That pisses me off. Don't you ever talk about my friends like that Andrew. You have no business saying that shit, it's not your place, just shut up and leave everyone alone.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| My Decision |
| 07.10.04 (11:22 am) [edit] |
[b]Class Act[/b]
I'm going to the University of Tampa. I was going to go to Cornell, just a little too expensive for my liking. I'm going to be talking to my roommates on the phone in a week. It's going to be a large dorm room, four closets, two bunk beds, four desks with chairs, mini-fridge. I guess I have three roommates. They gave me a description of them. I'm looking forward to meeting them. I know Theo isn't pleased with my decision, but I make my own life. He said he'd come with me. I just won't be able to deal with his jealousy. I could meet tons of guys, and be FRIENDS with them. If I even get caught talking to them, he'll be curious about it.
[b]My New Prison (School)[/b]
August 24th - I move into my dorm room. Also, my student orientation. August 30th - Classes begin. October 1st/2nd - Family Weekend (so NOT looking forward to it). October 13th-17th - Homecoming. November 24th-26th - Thanksgiving recess. December 16th - Classes end, I go home. Then I'm off until January 2nd.
I can't wait until that's over with.
[b]Theo[/b]
He sent me my ring. A new ring since I trashed the other one when we broke up. I miss him. I can't stand the way he acts sometimes though. I know some people are just more jealous than others but he has to know if I wanted to be with someone else and leave him, I would have a long time ago. I love Theo.
Renee
*Tampa, my new chapter in life.*
|
|
|
| |
| The Yellow Brick Road..... |
| 07.06.04 (8:00 am) [edit] |
I'm just going to rush right into the topics.
[b]Class Act[/b]
My most important and difficult topic. I graduated for all who you didn't know. I'm just worrying about going off to college. It's hard to say goodbye to your friends, I know I should be spending every last moment I can with them before late August comes and I'll be gone. I should spend time with my family, but that's going to be the hardest to let go of. I don't know how I'll do it. I mean I still have some time right? I still have to pick between three schools...It's killing me. I have like three days left to decide because they need to know so I can give them money. Ugh. Help me?
Options
1) Cornell College in Iowa. Yes, Iowa. Yes you all might say, "Oh boy, how exciting, Iowa!" But it is in fact a nice school. http://www.cornellcollege.edu... Visit, tell me.
2) Xavier University in Ohio. I heard it's okay. http://www.xu.edu
3) University of Tampa (Florida). Seems great, but before you say "YEAH! GO TO FLORIDA!" Take a look at everything. http://www.utampa.edu
College is so hard to decide on. Ugh.
[b]Theo[/b]
Theo isn't looking forward to my leaving at all. He doesn't want me leaving for college, living on campus, going to any campus parties. I know it's hard, I won't be able to talk to him as much except for maybe on the computer. That'll be hard. He won't be able to visit me very much. We'll just have this gap in our relationship for awhile, and I'll have to get used to it. It'll kill me though, I'll tell you that much. I feel so bad because he's making me feel this way. I still have a little over a month...Ugh.
[b]Help[/b]
I swear I need people to talk to about shit. I always talk to Amanda about everything. I can't tell Andrew anything, I'm majorly pissed off at him for the stupid shit he pulled the other night. :(
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Enjoy Your Day |
| 07.04.04 (10:11 am) [edit] |
I hope everyone has an excellent day, enjoy the fireworks, enjoy your night. Feel special if you have your special someone near you tonight. It must be nice.
[b]Theo[/b]
This man is truly amazing. After everything we've been through......I just can't help but love him more and more! He called me today and I knew we'd only be able to talk for like five minutes. That was cool with me, I wasn't bitching. I just wanted to hear him just once. He recited a poem for me, but first when I answered he was just like "Renee, don't say a word, I love you." I wasn't allowed to speak until the poem was finished. It was really sweet. It was a good phone call while it lasted. I guess that's the beauty of long-distance relationships, it's easier not to be around them and to only talk to them for a specific amount of time. It's a nice thing really. I love being near Theo when I do get to see him, it'll be awhile before I do see him again, that's okay though. He's busy, he has his own life. I'm so proud of him. He was accepted into his favorite university.
[b]The Good, The Bad, The Meatloaf[/b]
I felt like being creative. I can't constantly speak of what's going horribly wrong in my life. For once, there isn't anything horribly wrong going on in my life. It's nice. I feel tranquil. I'm waiting to talk to my friend Tyan, I usually call him Ty. We're supposed to gather a group of friends to go tonight. I've never told anybody about Tyan before but he's like my long lost best friend in some way. I've known him for a few months, but it feels like I've known him all of my life. He's one of those friends where you don't even have to say anything and he knows what you're thinking. He wanted to show Theo that he had no 'competition' and called him the one day. It was really nice. They talked about sports, politics (Theo is deeply into politics). They were talking about cars mostly, they're both in love with corvettes and just about every other sports car in the book. I'm glad Theo likes him. I don't know what I'd do if they hated eachother so much. I mean Tyan is almost like my brother. My family loves him and they invite him everywhere now. I want them to warm up to Theo in that way. I'm a little afraid for that. In some way, I've been questioning things. You just wonder about fate at times, judging by the way things work out. Is Theo truly the one for me if I have Tyan around? Is Tyan just proving to me that Theo IS the one for me? I mean no doubt that I love Theo and I'll never love anyone the way that I love him EVER. Don't get the wrong idea. I have no feelings for Tyan at all. I need to find him a woman. Any takers?
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Only You...MAKE ME FEEL...THE WAY THAT I DO... |
| 07.01.04 (10:05 am) [edit] |
I'm being driven to get another piercing. I'm debating where. I'm going to enjoy the pain right now. I need that pain to defeat the pain I'm experiencing right now. The feeling of betrayal, the feeling of hurt, the feeling of anger, all mixed into one. You try dealing with that.
[b]Theo...[/b]
My darling Theo, do you not recognize the pain I'm going through? My constant depression? My inevitable unhappiness? I'm torn apart inside. The only person I can relate to right now is Amanda. Theo doesn't see my pain, he doesn't see anything behind my sighs. He doesn't see anything behind my frown. His happiness only makes me feel worse about myself. I feel horrible just talking to him about all of my problems. I don't want to ruin him more than I already have. Thanks Amanda for understanding.
[b]Family[/b]
They've put me on my own probation in the family. They don't trust me all because they found an old bag of marijuana, wasn't even mine. It was all my friend Tabitha's. They don't believe me though, makes me feel even worse about myself. Makes me think if my parents can't even trust me or think the best of me, then I must not be that great. :(
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| The Ride... |
| 06.28.04 (1:46 pm) [edit] |
Theo and I are planning to see eachother soon. I was going to see him today, long ass drive because I left yesterday to go meet him. I showed up at his place, he wasn't there. I called him like eight times, no answer. I was so upset....I waited at his room for an hour this morning, he never showed. So, I drove back. It really hurt. I've never felt so stood up in my life. He called a few minutes ago giving me some excuse, I was convinced and all, but it hurt. I won't be seeing him for a long time. Probably 4-6 months. :cry:
Does anyone not understand how hard it is to go that long without seeing the one you love? It's crazy. It's so hard. I miss his kisses, his warm hands, his hugs, his cuddling, I hate not being near him every fucking day. Everyone rubs it in my face that they get to see their person every fucking day, but not me. I'm tired of Andrew always saying shit about how his friends suck, well he isn't the worlds best friend either. He's an asshole. He treats his friends like shit. Fucking asshole.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Think...Square |
| 06.25.04 (7:15 am) [edit] |
Last night was entertaining. Jessie gave me Kyle's screenname and I was able to have some fun with the ever so cute cheer-boy. He sounds as if he has the brains of an earth worm. It wouldn't surprise me. What normal guy wants to be a cheerleader? Unless he's been dropped on the head more than 10 times as a baby. Or the ever so popular excuse, he's gay. I have no problem with gay guys, but if you're going to be a guy and discuss cheerleading, then you really need to come out of that closet. He ended up hitting on me, Theo wanted to kill him, but I didn't give him his screenname, I thought I'd spare his Wanna-Be-Cheerleader behind.
Theo however, didn't enjoy any of that conversation. The jealous dweeb. I felt kinda bad by not giving him the screenname, leading him to more suspicion, though the suspicion shouldn't exist. I'm 100% faithful, and always have been. I had fun talking to Amanda and Jessie. They're so cute, thought I'd point them out in the crowd. They don't need any more attention, they attract enough with Kyle it seems. You'd think with their popularity they'd have a fan site, which wouldn't come to a surprise to me if they did.
I have to be to work in a few hours for maybe a three hour shift, pointless? Indeed. I thought so, questioned my hours, of course they pointed me to the door. I'm going in for nothing obviously, but I can't afford not to have a job anymore. I just started talking to my friend I last talked about before. I know it wasn't a great time we stopped talking, but I thought I would give myself a little time from her. I was a little afraid, but who am I to judge someone? I really can't. I better be going, I need to have a shower. I have recent pictures coming this week 8)
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Forgiven. |
| 06.21.04 (9:25 am) [edit] |
I've decided to forgive Joleen. Life is too short to hate anyone for dumb things. We've all done stupid things in our lives, and we just need others to forgive us for them. I've forgiven everyone else, so I have to forgive her too.
[b]Theo[/b]
We're doing very good. He's very busy today and tonight so I don't get to speak to him until tomorrow, which is fine by me. He needs his space too, and as long as he is doing something, then I'm not angry. I trust him though, I think. I don't know. I'm finding it hard to trust him. Everytime I do trust him, something goes wrong, and my heart is broken again. I think I should just give myself time to trust him. I don't need the hurting again. I can't live without him, and this is our last chance together. Well, we've said that many times. "This is your last chance.", blah blah blah. We always forgive eachother. With love, you have to learn to forgive eachother for even the dumbest and the most major of mistakes. If you can't forgive the one you truly love, then you will be lonely for the rest of your life. I can't imagine that even the most depressed person would want to be alone forever. Everyone needs someone to love them at one point.
[b]Issues[/b]
For once, I don't have too many issues. The major issue is the one I listed above, which is my trust issue. My other issue being that my best friend (here), she told me that she loves me. I don't know how to take that, honestly. I have no problem with lesbians, gay guys, anybody who likes anyone of the same sex. I'm just not like that. I don't know if I'm angry about it, upset about it, freaked out about it. She's my best friend, she's everything to me (friendwise) and I don't know if she understands that's all it is to me. I don't want her to feel like I'm leading her on, I don't want her to think that it's easy on me. It's just not. I hope no one thinks I'm a homophobic person or anything, it's just hard. I'm afraid that she's going to be angry with me for not feeling the same way.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Don't Call Me. |
| 06.17.04 (9:41 am) [edit] |
Joleen and I have spoken on the phone before, yes she has my number. She called me this morning apologizing. I've given you many chances and I don't care to hear your excuses anymore. I just don't care. Why don't you prove to me you can be a real friend and go die?
[b]Theo[/b]
He called me last night, we're working everything out. I'm so glad that we are because I don't know what I'd be without him in my life. He's my addiction, he's my life, he's my world, he's everything to me that I can't possibly refine without him. I know he feels the same way but he has a hard time expressing his feelings. Men always do it seems like. He's also buying me a new ring because I ditched the other one he gave me when we broke up.
[b]Here[/b]
I'm so glad everyone is honest with eachother and able to forgive eachother for telling lies. It's amazing what you can find out by just talking to eachother and letting shit out. You're all the best, I hope you know that!
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Fill It Out, It's Time Consuming. |
| 06.14.04 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
Long Survey you'll hate with your life.
You
Full Name? Renee, not telling you anything else. Nicknames? Nee-Nee, Redhead, Zinger, you name it. Birthdate? A day that will live in infamy. Age? I am a young woman, with big thoughts. Hair Color (Currently)? Dark red. Hair Color (Naturally)? I completely forgot. I was told brown. Eye Color (Currently)? Purple color, I know they're weird. Eye Color (Naturally)? Brown. Height? 5'6" Weight? 141 lbs. I have muscle. Freckles? Nope. Dimples? Nope. Want Piercings? Definitely. Piercings (Currently)? Lip, ears, eyebrow, nose. Want Tattoos? Definitely. Tattoos (Currently)? None. Current Education? College. Name of your school/university? That's classified. Want a job? No. Have a job? Unforunately. Glasses/Contacts? Yes, Contacts. Dentures/Teeth? I have normal teeth, thanks. Measurements (You know)? 38C. What would you change about yourself? Hips. Want a car? A new one, sure. Have a car? Yes. Have you had sex yet? Yes. If not, when do you plan to? - Are you waiting for the right person? -
Current/Past/Present
Greatest Achievement? Living... Last state you visited? Louisiana. Current channel on tv? Vh1. Current radio station? None. Last IM (when/who)? Andrew. Last visit to the grocery store? A few days ago. Last thing you bought? A new shirt. Last time you cried? A few days ago. Last time you laughed? A few minutes ago. Last time you said you loved someone? A few days ago. Last time you ate? Last night. Last time you slept? Yesterday. Last time you missed someone? Today. Last time you hugged someone? Yesterday. Last time you kissed someone? A while ago... Last time you cheated? A long time ago. Last time you smiled? Today. Last time you heard your favorite song? A few days ago. Last time you danced? A long time ago. Last time you played a sport? A few days ago. Last time you put clothes on? This morning. Last time you took a shower? This morning. Last time you comforted a friend? This morning. Last time you sang? This morning. Last time you were on stage? Years ago. Last time you hit someone? Months ago. Last time you wished you were dead? A few days ago. Last time you tried to kill yourself? Months ago. Last time you drank? Weeks ago. Last time you smoked? Years ago. Last time you went to the mall? A few days ago. Last time you wore your mothers panties? Never. Last time you had sex? A while ago. Last time you had any sexual involvement? A while ago. Last time you loved someone so much you cried? A few days ago. Last time you wished you were holding someone? Today. Last time you hated a friend? Yesterday.
Pets
Do you have any pets? Yes.
I'm going to list some, if you own r have owned 1 of the following please display the name(s) and any information.
Cat? - Dog? My puppy Libby. I also had a dog that was put to sleep a few years ago...His name was Diego. Snake? - Bird? Parakeet - Catalina. Rat? - Hamster? I had a hamster when I was 12, her name was Psycho. Ferret? - Rabbit? - Guinea Pig? - Tarantula? - Scorpion? - Mouse? - Pig? - Fish? We got rid of the fish a few months ago, but I had about 10 of them. Frog? - Lizard? - Gecko? - Turtle? - Cockroach? - Any insect? - People? You.
Favorites
Ice cream? Cookie dough. City? I'm a sucker for New York City. State? California. Country? Not sure. Continent? Europe, most likely. TV Channel? Cartoons are the best. Radio Station? Hmm... Soft Drink? I don't really like soda. Juice? Orange. Food? Anything delicious. Genre of Music? Anything worth listening to, which isn't much these days. Instrument? Guitar. Candy bar? I like my reese cups. Any type of hard candy? Jolly rancher. Gum? Hmm... Shoes? I like any comfortable shoes, I loved my old pair of vans. Store? Anything that is worth going into and getting cheap clothes. Favorite age/time in history? - Subject in school? English. Perfume? Curve. Cologne? Anything Theo would wear. Body Wash? Hmm... Shampoo? Whatever smells good. What's the use of spending anything over $7 on shampoo? Book? - Movie? I love all kinds of movies really, I couldn't care for most sequels, some are worth watching. Actor? - Actress? - Website? - Scent? My old underwear, not really. Scent of Candle? Raspberries. Month? July, it's the middle of summer, it's hot, and I enjoy it. Day? Saturday. Word? Die. Quote? - Painting? I love art, I can't name a specific painting. I believe every piece of art is rewarding in it's own way. Artist? I love all types of artists, whether it be the simplest artist to the most dynamic. Day in your life (past)? - Thing that has happened to you? - Animal? Snow Leopard. Car? Anything worth driving. University? NYU.
Sports team of the following sports...(Can be local, famous)
Football? Carolina Panthers. Soccer? - Hockey? Carolina Hurricanes. Baseball? Atlanta Braves. Basketball? Detroit Pistons. Volleyball? - Lacrosse? Lacrosse is fun to watch. Rugby? - Tennis? - Swimming? - Wrestling? - Other? -
Boys name? - Girls name? - Rapper? - Musician? Anyone worth listening to. Band? Many bands. Club? - Hang out? Screw that.
Relationships
What are you (Gay-Straight-Confused or as you say bisexual)? Straight.
Fill this out if your in a relationship
What is their name? Theodore. Are they handsome/beautiful? I think he's adorable. How long have you been together? A long time, it's been the hardest. Are you in love with this person? Deeply. Are you a local or long distance relationship? Long distance. If local, are you able to see them everyday? I see him even though we are long distance. if long distance, is it hard? Very, but it takes time and dedication. Are you going to see eachother soon? Yes. Have you had sex with this person? Yes. Do you want to? Yes... Have you cheated on this person? Yes. Have you ever wanted to? Yes. Have you ever broken up? Yes. Do you talk to this person a lot? Yes. Do your friends like this person? No. When's the next time you'll see eachother, or the first time? July 3rd. How did you meet? Friends that happened to clash, we tried breaking up the fight, we met....talked. I knew then and there.
Your crush (if not in a relationship)
What is their name? Are they handsome/beautiful? How long have you liked this person? Does he or she like you too? Are you in love with this person? Are you a local or long distance crush? If local, are you able to see them everyday? if long distance, is it hard? Are you going to see eachother soon? Have you had sex with this person? Do you want to? Have you been with this person? Do you talk to this person a lot? Do your friends like this person?
Friends
Who is your best friend? Michael, Theo. How old are they? 23, 23. How long have you known eachother? 18 years, 5 years. Do you know everything about eachother? Yes. Do they know your secrets? Yes.
Loudest friend? Gibbon. Prettiest friend? All of my friends are pretty. Dumbest friend? Gibbon. Smartest friend? Most of my friends have some intelligence. Tallest friend? Arnold. Shortest friend? Kari. Foreign friend? Juniper. Racist friend? Missy, lol. Hottest friend? Theo. Best body? Theo. Fat ass? I don't believe it's right to call someone fat. Some people have health problems, some people are just big boned. Everyone has feelings. Dorkiest? Andrew. Annoying? Sammy. Coolest? Jessie. Sluttiest? Stephanie. Popular? I must say Missy and Jessie, they seem to get the most attention. I feel bad for them. I believe they deserve an award. The 1 who makes you happiest? Theo, and all of my friends on here and in real life. The 1 who makes you the saddest? Theo at times. The 1 who makes you angriest? Theo at times. The 1 who you wish were more than friends? No one. Friends you've dated? How can you name them all? Actually, people you date, are your friends. Friends you've lost? Plenty, but I've learned a lot from them. Friends you've recently made? Courtney.
Long survey
Did this take you a long time? Yes, I was bored.
Fill it out. Andrew always makes me.
|
|
|
| |
| Real Friend? Sure. |
| 06.10.04 (12:40 pm) [edit] |
Today's topic : Joleen.
I don't see why she's taking her anger out on everyone. She posted the shit, we had a right to comment. We had a right to say as we pleased. We weren't telling her what to do. She blew it all out of proportion. I don't quite understand what her issue is with us. She's the bitch here, not us. She can hate me all she wants, she can say what she wants about my relationship. I'm not trying to get back at Theo for everything he's done. Can she say the same about herself? Maturity...is lacking these days.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Stupidity |
| 06.08.04 (11:26 am) [edit] |
I'm again, so very stupid.
[b]Theo[/b]
He's in town, and we spent so much alone time together that we're starting to get on eachothers nerves. We got into a fight last night, and he said some mean things to me. I took them to heart, and he told me he hated me because I asked him why. Why did I go back to him? I don't exactly know why I did...I feel stupid. I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at him for making me feel shitty. God.
[b]Issues[/b]
I'm struggling with paying for school, it's hard. It costs so much just to go to college. It costs enough to pay for books. I have to pay for everything else. My car, my rent, GAS...I hate life. I can't even afford to live anymore. My parents won't even lend me money anymore. Theo won't support me, he already told me I had to earn my own. I only needed his help once, and he wouldn't even lend me $20. He's such a dick. I should be a lesbian.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| I'm Sorry... |
| 05.31.04 (3:04 pm) [edit] |
I'm sorry everyone, I'm an idiot. I didn't even listen to you, and screwed myself over again.
You can tell me what an idiot I am to give into him. I love him, that's all. I can't live without him. It's so hard to let go of something you've held onto for years. It's the hardest thing to do, and I can't walk away from him. He knows that, and I believe he can't walk away from me either. Well, I hope not. He means so much to me, and it's hard to act like I don't want him in my life when I do want him in my life. It's so easy for you all to say 'Don't take him back', but is it easy NOT to take him back? It never is. I give in, and I can't help it.
I'm sorry.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Maybe....Just Maybe |
| 05.27.04 (9:28 am) [edit] |
I don't know what else is on my mind but my new situation...
[b]Theo[/b]
Why do I give into him every single time? I should stop, I know it. I can't stop though. I always go back for more heartache and bullshit. I can't even stop myself, and I don't know how to stop myself anymore. I think I need someone so bad that I run back to him for comfort, even if it's not the comfort I need. I hurt inside, and I feel nothing but pain throughout my whole body. He hurts me so much. He makes me feel like shit, and he kills me inside. I love him so much and I don't know why anymore. I cry all of the time, and everytime we talk, I cry some more. He doesn't hear me, but I do. I'm giving into him...and I don't know how to fucking stop anymore.
[b]Issues[/b]
Theo is coming over because my family invited him. He's flying here in August, and he's spending two weeks with us. I don't know how to deal with it, and I'm scared. I want him back, but I want him gone at the same time. I don't get how my family can do this to me and think it's okay. We were together for so long with so many problems, and it didn't seem to matter. We made it through everything, but they got worse. Everything seems to get worse though you want it to get better. I hope everyone realizes that...It's not easy to realize and it's not easy to deal with.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
| Everyone Changes |
| 05.25.04 (11:03 am) [edit] |
Theo is a complete asshole....
[b]Theo...[/b]
He used to be a really nice guy. He used to be a guy I could count on, he used to be the guy I fell in love with. Theo used to be a real sweetheart, the type of a guy that would open the doors for you, and give you the shirt off of his back. That changed steadily over the time we were together. He makes me feel inferior at times, though I'm not. He makes me into this bitch I never used to be. He's changed me for the worse, and I used to think it was for the better. It seems like when you start young, you started to grow up faster, and change faster. We used to be happy, we drifted into this depressed phase over and over. Each and everytime we hit that phase, we drifted apart. When we would overcome it, we'd start fighting. He would grow angry with me with frustration. He was a piece of shit in disguise, it took 3-4 years for me to see this. I've wasted a great deal of my time on this asshole. I lost everything I once gained, and I thought I was better....The joke's on me in the end.
Renee
|
|
|
| |
|
|